The house

Yes, I mentioned it before: The house is ready!

That means: The building is ready! I think, I've done a good job. But now, as it's ready, I think maybe it's too big. But no! I'm not changing it again!!!

So, now I have to start furnishing. But first I have to go through my inventory and find out some nice animations for the furniture.

Pledges are coming too although we didn't do any advertising.

I hope we can start hazing soon. And I hope place will be crowded soon.

When I'm ready furnishing, I want to make a video to lead you through the house. But til then it's still a lot of work!

Andrej, my angel

I have to admit: I was a little love-sick this week! Well, too many things happened at the same time. I got ready with the house. That should have been a day to celebrate! But none of my friends were available. Rammy wasn't there at all. And Andrej? He spent about 5 or 6 hours with Quirt and didn't even answer my phone-calls.

I tried to kill time by going through my inventory. It's still a mess! More then ever before (after all that building... no wonder!). Then I crashed and the work of 2 hours was deleted. As well as part of my inventory. Arrrrgggghhh!

So, I wasn't in a good mood at all. I went to dance in a weird club called "Methadon clinik". Name says all! Strange post-apocalyptic place, dark music (punk, heavy metal and stuff...). Sometimes it's good, but I can't bear it too long. Well, it fitted my mood.

I was almost ready to leave, when Andrej finally appeared. And I was so angry. - Maybe unfair? I don't know! I even don't know, what I expect of him. I said "nothing", but is it true? I just thought it's strange: When we meet, he's "on the jump" most of the time. And we can't do much 'cause of his duty ((=roommate in RL)). But then he had several hours time to spend it with Quirt in a Steambath? Tell me, folks: What would YOU think?

Oh, did I talk about Quirt? - He's one of the students at our college (Hillcrest). He was straight, but one day Rammy and me made him to do some special performance for us. Andrej had a crush on him. He changed his appearance (I can't bear it! He's so butch in it! No longer my little angel...) and turned Quirt into a gay boy only by the "power of his will". Don't ask me, how that works. I don't understand it myself. Now Quirt is owned by Andrej...

Soooooo.... I don't know how to handle all that!? Maybe it's jealousy? But I'm not the jealous guy. A little envious maybe, but not jealous. - Maybe the paranoid feeling, that I'm just betrayed? But Andrej told me, nothing happened, and they were not in the steambath but in a cafe to talk. Hm, believe that? (There are nicer places to talk but the coffee near the steambath at boystown...)
I think the problem is the fear to loose him. I'm tempted to let him go anyway. - Oh, typical me! I don't want him to feel torn between Quirt and me. So I push him away to make it easier for him. Sometimes I'm acting in SL as dump as in RL. Doing that all the time...

The kitten

Haven't seen our kitten Dougg for a while. Met him last friday for about half an hour, then he was gone. He told me, he's busy with school. Yes, that's important! Nekos have to go to school too! But I miss him. Wanted to learn more about him.

However, I made some cat-baskets in the house. Hope he will come back some day. But you know how cats are...

Rammy, my love

If you want to know, how things are going with Rammy: Fine!

Since the drama last week we are good friends, lovers, brothers again. Maybe I was just in a bad mood or expected too much? It's good again. *sigh*

Last night somebody asked me, if I have a master, cause I was wearing my collar. - Well, I just love the collar and think, it suits me well. But I answered spontanous: "Rammy is my owner!" - Wow! Didn't think about it. Yeah, we played sometimes master and servant, but do I really want to be owned by somebody? Well, it gave me a strange feeling... kind of exciting. But I need my bro Rammy more as friend and lover, not as master and/or owner. But it's worth to think about it...

Tigerish

I feel so tigerish for weeks now. I just have to say: I love the tiger in me.

Too bad Andrej doesn't like it. :-(
Good, that Rammy likes it and feels tigerish too! :-)

I love the mixture of cuteness and animal power. Always wanted to be tiger, always will be!

Just need a new haircut, I guess. Well, I'm too busy right now, but when I'm done with the house I will take care of my appearance anyway. Changes will come!

Dear Diary....

Yes! That would be the right headline. Another week is gone. And again I was busy...

I wasn't satisfied with the house... again. So I decided, to build the whole house new. Oh my gosh! What a work. I'm still building, changing structures, not sure, where it will end. I hope I'm getting ready soon, so we finally can start the fraternity.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about today. I wanted to talk about last night. It started nice with a punishment for Andrej. He did some things wrong... not too bad, but bad enough to earn a punishment. I rented a skybox, but in the middle of the punishment time was over and we were ejected. Damnit!
Okay, we went to his apartment and had sex. We wanted to go on with the punishment later, but somehow we ended shopping with Rammy.
So far, so good!

Then Andrej had to go to a date with Quirt. - I'm still not sure, what's that between the both. No, I'm not jealous! But I feel somehow excluded, cause Andrej doesn't talk much about it. I guess it's because he's a dom to Quirt. And I can't bear it, to see my little angel as a dom. I saw him once and he was so hot, that I suddenly went all submissive. Can't take that. Not yet!

So, Andrej went and me & Rammy were alone. Rammy suggested - or better say: decided (!), that I need a spanking. Well, he was right, but can he just decide this? Hm... However, I agreed. I had so much in my mind in the last days and weeks. ~ The house-building, all the new pledges who apply, the organisation of the fratgroup (and no help from Rammy's side in these issues. Maybe *I* should "decide" to spank *HIM*???), Andrej and last but not least Jeremy, who was first a little annoying and obstrusive, then rude and defiant and at last non-present at all. I had the bad feeling that I negelcted him and treated him unfair.
However! I had so many things in my mind, things I've done, things I still have to do... I feel so exhausted and tired. Maybe kind of "guilty" too for the one or other reason. I'm trying my very best and still have the feeling it's not enough... So, I thought, a spanking from my beloved brother would help, to come over with some things, get my mind free. A kind of catharsis.
But it all went so wrong!!! Rammy started to spank me, and I waited that he forces me to talk about all the things that burden me. I gave him some hints, but I wasn't ready to talk about it by my own will. But Rammy didn't get the hints. He just said things like: "Oh, I spank you, cause I have the feeling that you need a spanking. I'm not interested in other reasons. blablabla"
I tried and tried and tried, but he kept on spanking me without caring about the things I wanted to tell him. I couldn't help it and started crying. In fact I was still crying hours later. I'm almost crying right now again, when I remember it and write it down. If I didn't KNEW he loves me, I would say he hates me! Then, after about half an hour, I gave up. I didn't say anything more, just yielded up to my fate. I think, he didn't even recognize that.
Finally he made me stand up. Well, I tried, but I almost couldn't stand. So I didn't complain as he commanded me to kneel before him. He talked something like he's "my dom" from now on and he will spank me if he got the feeling, I need it and other blabla. I have to admit: I didn't really listen anymore. I was so disappointed and upset and angry and sad... I suddenly couldn't take it anymore and said good-bye to him. I just had to leave!

So, this night was a mess!!! Well, he did talk to me afterwards and I tried to explain. But I'm not sure, if he understood. He gave me advice. Ha! I didn't want his advice!!! I just wanted him to spank me and then hold me and hold me and hold me and soothe me. At the end I apologized for my behaviour. - Yes! You read right. *I* apologized! What a studip idiot I am!!! Why the hell do I have the feeling that I have to apologize to everyone??? It should be him to apologize to me, for treating me like shit, for leaving me alone with all the work at the frathouse, for not listening.

Goddamnit! I'm so confused... I don't know what to do. How to manage all the work and all the feelings and all the requirements. Maybe it's time for a break?

But hey! I'm a tiger-cat. Cats always land on their four feet. And they have nine lifes. I have the feeling, my first life ended last night. Eight more to come. So: Hello world! With a loud RRROOAAARRRR (and a very sore ass) !