Friendship

"Friendship is like peeing your pants:
everyone can see it,
but only you can feel the true warmth."

Dunno, where I did read that; I think it was somewhere on MySpace...

I wanted to write a comment on Rickie's blog, but you know chatty tiger: Never find's an end. So I decided to write an extra article here.

So, what happened? Sweet Rickie made an experiment, stayed off-line for a few days (though I'm pretty sure I saw him every day, but... hm), to see who of his friendslist IMs him and who not. Oooooookay... First of all: Dear Rickie, to say "Oh, I'll be some days offline and see, who asks for me, and that one is a real friend!" is a kinda diva-attitude, isn't it? And it makes me sad. That such an experiment must be disappointing and desillusioning, that's clear. Just because of wrong expectations.
First: Why IM someone, when he's not online anyways?
Second: I don't make a schedule of my friendslist who's on at which time. So it may take two weeks or so till I recognize, I'm missing someone.
Third: I'm too busy most of the time to ask everyone on my friendslist every day if he is okay; and I guess so is everyone else.

For me friends aren't those who are always around me and try to chat to me. Of course that's nice, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they are real friends (okay, 90% only wanna fuck anyways...). Real friends come, when others leave. And with a real friend - that's in SL like in RL to me - I have a connection, even if I don't meet or talk to them for weeks.

In the last weeks I had a lot of opportunities to feel friendship where I didn't expect it, as well as disappointment by those who I thought were friends. I felt it that night as I heard of the suicide of my sister Nia. Suddenly people on my friendslist stayed with me which I never had expected to. Some I didn't talk for months, but they were there!
And on the other side, I experienced a lot of disappointment too. People who were meant to be my friends talking bad about me behind my back, banning me from parcels, insulting me as "whore"... And others who claimed to be my friends never again talking to me after I left Premier... so what? They may have reasons. It hurts, it disappoints, but I'm not angry. I feel sad for them and for me, cause hate and anger are such a waste of emotion and energy, and I think it's just pathetic and they shame themselves with their infantile behaviour. But anyways - if one of them would come and need my help or comfort or just someone to talk to... I'd be there.

So, dear Rickie, I totally disagree. Friendship and love aren't about receiving, they are things to give! If someone offers you friendship, accept it. Don't have too big expectations. You may not hear anything ever again from some of them. But maybe you will suddenly experience a surprise, maybe you will feel the warmth of embracing and caring love from people you never expected. It happened to me several times and it's much more important then all the other disappointments.

pics and comments

Oki, been a while since I wrote an entry. Things keeping me pretty busy. So much to do, so little time. SL has become a place full of hatred and abuse of "power" to me these days. That's strange and takes a lot of fun from being here. I should be old enuff to know, that you can't be loved by everbody. Some people will just hate you, no matter how nice you are (and I think I *am* a nice guy and worth to be known and called a friend), but it still hurts every single time. However, I don't wanna talk about it atm, so here are just a few pics with comments:

With my beloved owner Q
Started as a owner-pet-relationship,
but became so much more to me
and becoming more every day
If only some wounds from before would heal
on both sides

Country night last saturday
I was so proud of my decoration
but somehow day ended not too good for me

my smexy brother Tree


Neko and furry night
my decoration was awesome
REALLY!
and I had a lot of fun with the other kittehs

JC visiting us the other day
why can't all the people in SL be like him?
He's sexy, cute, nice and a real good friend
Everybody likes him
I can't imagine, that he ever hates somebody
or that he gets angry
well, maybe about me a little
when he sees, that I published these pics of him as fairy
(but he was soooooo cute, couldn't resist!)
=^.^=

Spending 2 hours on the new "Lovescene II" of bits and bobs
OMG - It's fantastic!
(Oki, blog is turning pornographic now?
But it's set to "adult", so what?!?)

Jungle Night on monday
had not much time to decorate
did it all in 5 minutes
but looked not too bad...

Dancing on the beach with neighbor Rod and his boys
and my brother Tree

"Tie Dye" - I had no idea what that is
Now I know
oh my... something must have been wrong with that shisha...

And this is just me
I like that outfit
and the pics

life is wonderful (blogfiller)

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

Been a while...

... so it's time for an update!

Friday Q and me were at Dom&Randy's anniversary party. So there was no event at the club that day. Some life-performers were playing. Second one was really good but playing and singing a lots of country-ballads, which isn't exactly the right stuff for tigers. But slowdanced with my beloved owner and enjoyed it for two hours or so. *purrrrrrr*

~~~***~~~
COUNTRY NIGHT
~~~***~~~

Saturday was the usual country-night. As working RL I hadn't much time. Was really busy decorating and building a line-dance-menu for 15 people. Was pretty cool and everybody was fond of the decoration. Too bad there weren't as much people as last time. Maybe we should try another time for the event?

MEOW

Sunday was the usual neko&furry-night with smexy DJ Kaj. I spent hours and hours decorating; couldn't help it. And damn, it looked good!

But I got some bad news yesterday about lovely Kaj: As I wanted to take a look at Phucket where he plays on mondays (see below), I had to recogniz that I was banned from that parcel. I wondered for a moment, til I saw, that one of the co-owners is that weird club-owner from a few weeks ago (to remind you: I only asked smexy Justyn in open chat, if I'll meet him a few days later at Dom's to neko-night; and before I could say "meow" I was insulted and ejected...).

However Kaj asked his little brother to un-ban me, what he did. So I visited the place and it's really nice there. Spent an hour there on monday when Kaj DJed:


And yesterday he told me, that he was fired from that other club, only cause he supported me. I couldn't believe my fluffy ears! Oh my! Tiger's a little crazy sometimes too, but that ER badly needs some medication, I guess...


I just feel bad for lovely Kaj, cause he is as innocent as me. I was ready to forget everything with that guy if he just would have said "Sorry, it was a misunderstanding and I was in a bad mood!" or something like that. Everybody has a bad day from time to time and does weird things then, which he regrets later, but that weirdo seems to be continually crazy. That's bad, cause I *am* a really nice tiger most of the time and I don't like trouble and fights at all; only love, peace and harmony (and lots of sex)...

However, I bought a nice "native neko" - outfit on monday. Quite sexy! Love it!

Well, and monday evening was:

I think, I looked really pretty in pink, even colored my tail pink. But didn't win the contest this time. :(( Well, what chance do you have against the Pink Panther anyways? *lol*

Well, that's it so far. Last night cable broke down in our village and I couldn't come inworld. God, felt so forlorn; like a lost day, which is a little strange cause I would have had more time for RL then... So I had the choice between ironing my clothes for six hours (yesh! lots of clothes, cause I didn't do much ironing since my rez-day. *giggle*) or watch porn till it's time to sleep... Okay, to watch porn for six hours may not be so healthy, so I decided to iron ... 5,5 hours.

I just wanna fucking dance

Things went pretty good the last two days. Some low moments, but in a good mood most of the time. Still not stabile and balanced as I once used to be. Maybe the hormons, maybe the lack of sleep, maybe too many disappointments, maybe all of that.

But had some pretty good events. I just love to dress fancy and decorate. If I won't know better, I'd say I'm gay! Oh, wait....? *grins* However, there was "Best in Blue" and I looked awesome (see pic top). And was "(horny) Angels and Devils" and looked even more awesome.

Talking of angels... Met Andrej again two days ago. We drank coffee at Boystown and talked about old times and new times... Was pretty good. I'm glad, I'm in peace now with him. Hope to see him more often again. Anyway... should take more time to just hang out with friends and enjoying life.

Had my day off yesterday. Jojo managed the event at Dom's and did a good job. Well, I was there anyways the whole time. My outfit was just tooooo fancy to not be there! But I enjoyed not working, not concentrating on the open chat the whole time (although I did) and just dance and flirt... Well, not much difference to work. *lol* Funny thing, that I was asked 7 times in IMs, where my tip-jar was.
However, events becoming better again. Djs love to be there, some of them so much, that they refuse to get tipped. - I wanna say that part of it is my benefit, beside Q's and my dance-fellows. I'm a little proud of it.

Well, and as it was my day off, I was shopping a lot. Oh my! Don't send a neko shopping. Especially not a gay neko. Especially not a gay neko with some money in his pocket! I bought about 10 complete outfits. And a lot of other stuff. My closet is bursting! And I have no idea, when to wear all this, cause tiger is naked most of the time. - Well, he's not the only one who likes that, as you can see on the picture (Gosh, sexy J's.... there've been!).

What else? Owner-pet-relationship with Q is working out pretty fine, though it's becoming much more then that. In the beginning, I just wanted someone to care for me. Someone I can rely on, be on the taking side, without the urge of giving in return... Being selfish this time. But things changed. Seems, tiger can't stop caring, but that's oki. Master's so sweet and nice (often too nice, so I have to remind him to command me *hehe*), but with deep sadness in his soul. He deserves more happiness, and I hope I can give him some of it. However, he developes more and more to a boyfriend then an owner. Love him, but first I have to get over my mixed feelings for someone else before I can fall in love again. Scars are too deep and it's hard to trust in anybody else's feelings these days.
That also may be the reason, that my family-idea doesn't work out well at the moment. All I want is equal love, peace and harmony (and sex!). But it seems first each of us (me included) has to fight the dark demon of jealousy before this is possible (if ever). Well, I won't give up hope...

So, that's it for now. RL calls soon (yeeeeek!). Have a nice weekend!

SL down

SL is down atm, so some time to write.

Another weird night. Came inworld in very good mood, did some meditation in a Zen-temple, talked to Mikey (but couldn't help much, I guess)... and then somehow things happened very fast and I almost left SL forever (again). But we made things up and everthing went oki. Especially after sweet Cowboy interfered... So, the day ended good and happily ever after. *hehe*

At Dom's we had theme "Darkside". I first thought of "Dark side" like in Star Wars and tried a Darth Tiga costume. Looked sexy somehow, but after I heard about a pentagram on the dancefloor, I had to overthink the outfit.


Found a nice wizard-costume. Looked cool. And I won the contest.
Oh, and the decoration with some bloody altars looked really nice. I'm proud of it!
There weren't much guests. Yeah, typical tuesday. But we had fun anyways.

Not much else to tell... Let's see, if SL works again!

Strange Sunday, stranger Monday

I almost can't remember Sunday. A lot of chats were going on. Good ones. And my little kitten Douggie was drunk, which brought some interesting new aspects to our relationship. Neko-night with Kaj was fun. But all together I wasn't in the best mood. Several disappointments from different sides, and I'm not sure, if it's only me being over-sensitive (not easy being empathic. *hehe*) or if it is really the others, taking tigers loyalty and kindness for granted. I think it's both.

Didn't spend much time inworld monday, but that time was very intense. Still emotional up and down. My friends Stev says, it's the hormons. Maybe. But I think, it's just the lack of sleep.

So, I talked to my bro Tree in the afternoon. About this "taking me for granted" and it was a good talk I thought. But had to go back to RL-work then and came back very late. And although I was in a happy mood and full of energy and proud of my decoration I did for "Jailhouse fuck"-theme at Dom's, everybody else seemed to be depressed and down.

First Tree surprised me with wanting to leave SL. Then Mikey had a depression attack and blustered into an overreaction. I tried to soothe him, but I was working at that moment, so I couldn't really talk much in IMs. Rickie was depressed too. Kaj, who was there for a visit, suddenly vanished without a word, so I guess something's wrong with him too. And Rickie was depressed. And then of course Mikey's hubbie... *sigh* So much depression around me. Is it infectuous? Good, that I was in a good mood, but I was a little swamped in the attempt to care for everyone.

However, today I got a little more time I hope. And I try to rub some ointment in some beautiful souls...

weekend update

Oh, too busy the last days! But I expected it. Had to organize a lot of stuff, building my own groups, lot of IMs... Thought a lot about the question for whom I'm doing all this. About friendships. About abuse. Had a lot of up and downs which prolly is also caused by a lack of sleep and the damn cold, which won't get better.

One of the highlights was definitely "spank me" night at Dom's on thursday. Not many guests at all, but I hadn't so much fun for weeks! Jojo and me played naughty schoolboys, always teasing each other. And Lenny was a purrfect headmaster. I made a nice classroom-decoration and added some spanking-poseballs and cornertimes. - Oh my! My butt is still sore!!! Just wished there were more guests to enjoy the same fun we had.

Another highlight were two times surprising sex with Quag, my owner. Oh man... was so good! Just recognized, how much i missed sex in the last weeks! *Yummie*

Yesterday (saturday) I suddenly had a little attack of depression. Don't know the exact reason. Just was missing a welcome hug from Q and I recognized that 2 items I bought at SLXchange never arrived inworld, and suddenly I felt so down, that I fled the home and went to my second home, not really knowing what to do. But Rammy, my lovely bro, immediately came and hugged me and we sat down to talk for a minute. And talking to him I recognized, that I'm making a mistake in not talking to Q. Somehow I awaited him to command me back and to command me to talk to him and to tell him, what's wrong. That's what he is my master for; giving him the power to make me do the things I want to do - deep inside. There's a psychological explanation with ego, super-ego and id, but that would go too far now.
However, Q is new to all that and still is learning. So it had to be me to go back to him and start to talk. And a good talk it was. We cleared some things that bothered me the last days. And it was good to talk about it. And I hope there will be a lot more in the next days. He's just sooooo sweet and nice to his stupid tiger!
And then it was time for leather & country night at Dom's. I didn't expect much, but *whoa!!!!!* A big success it was. Haven't seen so many guests there for a long time. And we had so much fun doing line-dance to country music. And the best thing: JC, my favorite cowboy ever, spent some time with us too. Annnnnnnnd....... he was in silks!!! Isn't that ironic? Country night and the best-known cowboy is wearing silks! But damn, was he sexy! I so had to fight the urge to rip the fabrics off his body.

So, weekend wasn't so bad after all. And now RL calls again. Tonite is neko/furry party again and I'm looking forward to meet Kaj again. And another party is planned before but I can't talk about it atm. So it will be a busy dancing night again, but hopefully fun!

bye-bye

Wasn't inworld much these days cause of RL. But however a big step happened. But let's talk about arrogance and behaviour of some people in SL...

Do you know those people too? They put some lousy US-dollars into Lindenworld, build a dance-club or a company or something and suddenly feel like millionaires and behave like that too? Gee! What's wrong with those people? Do they have to compensate some inferior complex or something? But why the fuck should I take those big-boss-attitudes in SL? Don't need that. Really.
I once became dancer because it was fun to entertain people. If I get tipped for it, it's okay. If not, it's still fun, when music is good and people interact. But somehow all of this became too serious. Had some trouble with the management of our agency the last weeks. "Don't talk to the employees!" and "You're not allowed to work somewhere else without our permission!" - Oh my! What a bullshit! They can do that in RL, but do we really need such arrogant behaviour in SL?

However, some more things had to happen till my loyalty vanished. Someone tried to convince my owner, that I'm unable to manage a business and that I'm too emotional and not reasonable enuff and that I had to be thankful that they generously allow me despite my disability to manage a project (which btw *I* brought them!). Well, that was too much.

Of course I'm very disappointed of that guy and sad for all the friends I leave behind me. I liked the rascals. But most of them are still my friends, though it was time to leave. I'll do my own thing. Do it better, I hope. Step by step. And in team-work instead of boss-attitudes. And maybe some of the wannabee-bosses start to overthink their "importance"...

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

Found at Ganymed's blog. Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Zegers? Oki, can live with THAT (and Kevin is such a hottie!!!). But 3 women??? May I have to consider a more masculine appearance?

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage

sunday update

Gee, another few days gone. No time for posting. Not sure, what happened these days. Bad cold caught me and it was hard to concentrate.

Some business fights were going on (no more comments on this page atm). Tiring, upsetting.

And my sweet kitten Douggie was depressed and wanted to leave me, cause he thought, he's only drawing me down. Silly kitten! But he's back, made me very happy, and turning into a furry fennek now. Looking very cute. Have to give him more attention.

Was supposed to go to two weddings yesterday. Was too late for the first one. And missed the second one too cause I mixed up 5.30 PM and AM. How can you marry at 5.30 AM? Geeeeee!!! If I'd took a closer look at the invitation, I could have danced at Domineck's; I mean working-wise, cause I was dancing anyways.

What else? Another spontanous sex the other day with my owner. He was supposed to put me to bed early, what he did, but tiger was sooooo horny and we ended in an exciting quicky. Slept pretty well afterwards. *hehe*

Well, sex... I really have to have more of it. Too busy with other things all the time. Especially now with furnishing and building and decorating and landscaping the new house.

Hm, think that's it as far as I remember. Didn't work friday and saturday. But won some contests, so I'm fine.