aimless

Just recognized that I didn't mention my new stripes yet. I really should get used to making pictures more often. Can't decide if I like the white or the black ones better. But I think the black ones are sexier.

And I took a better picture of Kyne. Such a sweety. Don't know if he were good for me. He's so nice to me and full of compliments... And I asked myself several times in the last days: Why can't I fall in love with someone like him? Someone who... hm.... kind of "adores" me and appreciates tigers qualities? But no-ho.... Tiger always falls in love with guys treating him like shit and/or ignoring him. Unreachable for him. Must be a special kind of masochism or something. Dunno...

However, tiger had a bad night, but tried to hide his true feelings. Found a kind of special gift for Corey and Clintons wedding; not sure about that yet... Then - after some annoying SL-grid problems - went dancing at Spiritz. - Haha, that was kind of funny though it made me upset: Kiefer, the owner, invited me. But I was the only guest at the beginning. Only Kief and two dancers who didn't do any work at all (just camping. I hate that). So I flirted with Kiefer, did some entertainment, told him I would make a much better dancer. He wanted me and I should fill in an application, but why should *I* fill in an application, when THEY want ME? They should apply to me, not the other way round. *hehe* Tiger is becoming a little arrogant.... Nah. kidding.- However, I invited Ken and some other dancers and guests arrived too. And Kiefer and Ken and some other guests and dancers tried to persuade me to strip. - Well, you know: tiger doesn't need much persuasion for THAT. But as soon as I was down to my cockring I got an IM from an security guy that I'm freezed now (didn't see that) and I should get dressed immediately. Well, I took off my cock and searched for some undies, copied and pasted the threat of that security a**hole to the open chat for Ken to see (cause he kept tipping for nothing) and *wwooooosh* I stood naked at the edge of the parcel. Ejected. Haha! I didn't know if I should laugh or be upset. I was laughing upset. Kiefer begged me to come back, cause I was fun and entertaining, but I told him noooooo way! And I definitely won't recommened his club. I said! Hey, what's a gay club without stripping guests?

So I went with Ken to our frathouse, splatting around in the ocean. Finally told him about my real mood. Bothering too much with my problems. Said good-bye after a while and headed over to the agency, met Clinton. He told me about land they found and there were a neighbor-parcel too. Took a short look with him and Corey, but I was too depressed. So I left without a word.
Don't know exactly what I did the next hours. - You know: I deleted now half of this entry. I don't want to be complaining all the time. I want to be the happy, funny, entertaining tiger I once was. Let me just say: Someone special told me once, he never would hurt me. And he's hurting me all the time. He knows exactly what he's doing. And I've been through all this once before, I don't wanna go through it again. And tiger isn't much better. Too sensitive and vulnerable at the moment.
Could just have puked in agony and pain all the time after he left without a word. So I strolled around. Wandering aimless. Set myself to "busy" as IMs started annoying me. Couldn't take that at that moment. I just wondered why I didn't just switch off. You know: RL-hell you can't just switch off, but when SL is becoming hell, you CAN switch it off. I don't know, why I didn't...
Finally I ended back at premier, dancing with Kyne for a while. Clinton, Corey and Nikita arrived. And after a while I had the guts to talk to Niki in IM. He tried to soothe me and I felt a little better. *sigh* So, Damos came too and we had some fun talking. After the others left and only Damos, Kyne and me stayed, a client arrived. He didn't waste much time, hired me immediately for half an hour. Cool! It was a little weird, but I have to admit, it was fun. And my mood was much better then. And I think I did a good job, cause he wants to hire me again.

I should have slept an hour earlier at that moment, so it was time and I went over to Hot and Hung to say good night to Kenneth. Instead he invited me to a photoshooting which lasted another 2 hours. But it was so cool!!! We ended up six naked hot guys posing for pictures and having fun. And I have 4 new friends on my friendslist now! Can't wait till I see the pictures!

So, what started as another messy night full of emotional chaos, ended kind of good. Still don't know where to go on from here. Only slept 2 hours today. Have much of RL-stuff to do. And tonight's a party I guess... Not sure, didn't listen exactly, cause my thoughts were with him - as they always are.