Sunday, June 1, 2008


HE'S BACK! - Oh, how much I missed my prince! He was away for some days because of RL-issues. And I only lived half that time. I don't even know exactly what I did all the time. Just hanging around at Premier and playing with a love-menu in the frathouse. Well at least I had a good talk with Clinton about my disappointment with the agency. He said Spanks, Dafydd and I are the best. Kewl! And he asked me to write down some suggestions. So I did some brainstorming with Dafydd and we made a really good notecard for Clinton. He was very fond of it. Maybe some things change now?

I've spent some time with Dafydd and he distracted me. On thursday evening someone - a pretty newbie - talked about "good taste of clothing" and Dafydd and I showed him good clothing. They were all pretty impressed. And the others saw us as family, as Clan. I felt so good for a moment. I just wished Spanks were there too and we could impress them all together. This moment it was what I wished for us: Act and perform as unity.
But it was only for a short moment. The next day Dafydd and me startet to argue which almost ended with me saying good-bye. He just can't stop complaining. Makes me sad. He's talking about "perceptions", but more and more these days he occurs like an embittered old man, accusing and complaining in every sentence. I tried to explain, that I'm not judging that. It's his expression of his suffering. But it makes me sad. Why can't he just say "I love you". Period. Why does he have to say "I love you although you disappointed me doing this and not doing that etc."? He says, he doesn't know how a father acts. Well, this is one thing, I think: A father just says "I love you, son". That's enuff. no "although....", no "but....". Just "I love you, son!"

Well, my prince was away for a few days. And yesterday he came back. I was so happy to see him again finally. We had an appointment for a new place where we should perform for Premier. So we had no time to celebrate our reunion. That party started as a mess. Very bad organization. Maybe Clinton was too busy? Dunno. I got mad. Spanks too. We almost both left the party and - at least in my case - Premier too. But it got a little better later though I was laggy as hell and sometimes unable to write or even turn the camera. It was pretty exhausting entertaining under this circumstances for 2 hours.
After it ended, I hadn't much time for my lover. We both had go to bed soon. But it felt so good, holding him and dancing with him on the roof of his castle and feeling his skin on my skin. It was as if I could feel him in RL physically. *sigh*
And yes! He asked me, if I would be his boyfriend, his lover. Oh, he made me so happy! I took him into my picks. And yes: I threw off Andrej. Finally. Chapter closed. I'm not angry at Andrej. I'm just finally over him. And that's good. Thought I would never feel something like with him again, but now I feel deeper in love and more connected to Spanks then I've ever been to A. Who would have ever thought that?

Ok, RL calls again. Can't cancell it. So, more the next days...

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