Wednesday, June 18, 2008

dancing queen

I'm not so sure what I did the last two days. I've been on a lot, killing time mostly. Looking for distraction. Heading from one party to the other on monday. I can't remember how many parties I joined. Yeah, it's a little distraction but not much fun being caught in your thoughts and your sadness inside while trying to act funny and interesting to the outside. Hm, don't think I was at all.
Did only one dance-job on mondays. Haha! No guests! But it was okay, dancing with Ruth and the other dancers. No problem. But I really hope it will get better there soon. Why do I always get dance-jobs at places with no guests? Hm... Maybe not good enuff for others. Dunno. Who cares?

Good thing is: My little Douggie had more time for his tiger. Spent some nice hours together. It's good to have him around again.
And Ken's still there. Acting a little strange sometimes. Caring and nice the one moment, commanding and jealous and bitchy the next. Dunno.
Well, and talked to Dafydd again. I neglected him the last weeks to please my prince, cause I knew he wouldn't like it. But it's okay now, I guess. Dafydd's and Tim's wedding is today, so I was shopping with Dafy for nice clothes. And I do have to tell: I think tiger looks gorgeous in his outfit as groomsman!

What else? Spent some time working on a menu in the frathouse. I should work there more, but always ask myself: What for? Why not just deleting the whole damn thing and build a nice big house for me and my family and friends? It costs a lot of money and time and isn't appreciated anyways. But I like my small cozy beach-house; don't need a bigger one. So I'll just wait and see.

Hm, okay... The main thing happened: I talked for some minutes in IM with HIM. I was so upset cause he accused me of neglecting something which was important for him. That was so unfair! Cause everytime I tried to talk about it, he became first sad then grumpy. So finally I avoided to mention it. And now he says I wasn't interested. That's mean and unfair and just a lie!
Well, that he's mean just helps to get over him. What I see as spending time with my beloved, he calls "fuck me on demand". When I complain, that a damn pole-dance-job is more important to him then making up our relationship, he calls me "wrapped up into myself" and "clingy and petty". His last words have been "Go play with your kitty kats!". And yes, I will! Only have to solve the problem, that I still love him and miss him so much. Arrrrrgggggggggggggg!

1 comment:

Jordyn Carnell said...

you know, don't you, that you were the FIRST person (and only Tiger) I asked to the prom? (tru.. i'm bringing more than one person.. but no more than i can safely talk to in IMs)

Theres prolly gonna be an after-party too.. but not sure about the details..