Friday, May 16, 2008

another weird night

Oh my! It should have been a night full of fun and pleasure. But it ended as a mess!

Well, day started good. Met a Gor-slave. I don't know why I'm so fond of Gor-slaves!? They are all toooooo sexy! We spent 2 hours together. He seemed to be very surprised how good SL-sex can be! Of course I didn't charge him. But I really should find new clients soon. Running out of money, rent to pay...

The rest of the night was a mess. I think I screwed things up. Didn't want to. Never wanted to hurt anybody. But I knew: If I come nearer to S., hearts will be broken. Oh, shit! I never wanted to cry anymore, but last night I did. Father hurt, son hurt and confused. And I'm the dirty little tiger in the middle. With tears running I offered D. to leave them both. I don't want to cause any trouble. My biggest fear came true: I screwed it up and will be banned. Well, mylord said 'no!', I shouldn't leave. But as I sneaked into the garden today a new wolf attacked me and pushed me out. Why can't I be just part of a loving family? Seems to be impossible. *sigh* I'm very sad. I hope the two speak to each other again. Well, of course I hope, S. talks to me again too, but the relationship father and son is more important to them. So, if needed - and I'm so afraid it is - I'll step back.

Had a little distraction then for two hours at the cellar-club at PGC. Was fun and I forgot my troubles and pain for a while.

My ex-husband-now-boyfriend didn't see me since wednesday. He's busy with a new project: He wants to make a magazine. Hm... I'm not sure, if it is such a good idea. Lots of work and not much income. He doesn't talk to me often. I get more and more the feeling, he just uses me. But I refuse to get used again. I don't think things work out for the two of us. We are way too different...

Here's the song fitting to my mood:

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