Friday, May 2, 2008

a mess

What a week!!! So many things happened. Enough for a life-time!

Let me start with the Vampire-Club: I'm an official dancer there now. I learned some very hot moves this week. - The opening was on saturday, but I had to work (RL) and came too late. Well, didn't miss much. The other boys are very nice to me. Especially Phillip helped me a lot. I like him very much. I can't wait to the next party. Hope I have time then. I think, I could do a very good job as dancer and escort. But unlucky me: The customers will propably fall in love with me, cause I'm just too nice and cute. *hehe* And they will forget to tip me, cause they take it all for real. How to handle that? /me shrugs

Then there were some strange things happening. One of our eager pledges was Marq, an 18 y.o. very confused, very kinky boy. I loved to play with him. He has a master - Ceth. Marq was eager to help me out of my sadness caused by Andrej. He wanted to find a new boyfriend/lover for me. I told him, it's not neccessary, but he didn't stop. So he and Ceth introduced me to Jayson, a vampire. Lost and wounded soul. He was an apprentace of Ceth, submitted to Ceth but dominated Marq.
So, Jayson had a crush on me. We compared power - so to say. I knew, I could dom him... he offered me at the end to be my subbie; but I was in such a sad and vulnerable mood, that I wanted to submit to him. I enjoyed it, felt save and warm in his arms. It wasn't love at that moment, just a very good feeling. Ceth and Marq said, how happy they are for us. And Ceth welcomed me to his family. I spent the night in Jaysons arms and it felt good.
The next day, as I came back, things suddenly changed. Now Marq and Jayson were a couple and both yelling at the little tiger here. Franziskus was all "huh?!? what's happening???" Felt like twighlight-zone. Had no idea, what they wanted of me. I wasn't in love with Jayson at that moment, so why should I bother? I wished them good luck and felt happy for them.
But Marq was for some reason angry with me. I don't know, what I did to him!? I think, he's just a selfish, manipulating little fool. Well, he's 18 and confused. I don't blame him. Don't hate him, even if he was very mean to me.
But next thing happened: Marq tried to force Jayson, to break up every contact with me. Big mistake, kid! As Jayson refused to "choose", Marq disappeared. Jayson came to me. I welcomed him. Offered him a home, to be with me... but told him, I'm still not in love with him. I couldn't. Was still in love with Andrej somehow.
Well, apart from that it was a nice evening. I introduced Jayson to some of my friends. We danced at the vampire-club. My friend Dashiel was there too and brought his two slave-brothers with him. Jayson had to leave soon, so Dash, his two brothers, Rammy and me had some fun in the dungeon. *hehe* Jayson came back later. At the vampire-club we had sex for the first time. Then I took him home to the beach-house and fall asleep in his arms again. Always sooo good!
The next day he told me, that Marq talks to him again. And eventually they will become a couple again. - Well, I thought "That's it!". I had enough of being the victim of some strange games. I wished them luck, but Jayson didn't stop talking to me. *sigh* I decided to end that all: Not only Jayson, but make the break-up with Andrej official too.
Andrej hadn't talked to me for about a week or so, although he was on a lot. I wanted to end it, but - gosh! - I fell so in love with him again. I wanted him back. And I was so confused. And to make confusion complete: Jayson called a few minutes after my chat with Andrej. And suddenly I fell in love with him too. Isn't this a mess???
I felt so torn and my instinct said, to get rid of both of them. But my heart wanted to be with both of them. I thought, maybe Jayson could fill the leak that Andrej would leave in me. Maybe it would have been unfair to Jayson. Don't know... But maybe it could work out.
Well, but things never work out as little tiger wants them to be. As Andrej came back, he told me, he can't be with me anymore. It was painful. Jayson hold me in his arms while I was crying. But after I calmed down, I felt liberated somehow. All the suffering of the last weeks - I felt it was over! Sure, it was sad somehow, but I knew: Now I'm ready to start something new!
I've spent the next hours with my new love Jayson. And for the first time in weeks, I felt really, really happy and satisfied. Not only, that we are lovers, I also made him my owner. I submit to him and I feel so warm and save and protected with him. *sigh*

So, lets see and wait for the things are coming! This is a happy tiger now! Finally, after weeks...


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