Thursday, July 17, 2008

Downfall

Ooooomph! Last night it came. Deep depression. Dunno. Some coincidences came together. The other nights I got distracted. I worked the whole night on Tuesday. Two hours at Spiritz, then 5.5 hours at gay pride. My shift was only three hours, but I had fun with the other boys, some nice guests and friends there. It was good, although I almost fell asleep on the dance-floor, so tired I been.

But last night was a mess. Deep inside.

It already started with reading my bro's blog and seeing, that he met Andrej. And somehow it hurt. Got a little envy and jealous, I guess. Thought a lot about the good times I had with my angel, before he changed into that cold and commanding and betraying macho-guy. But I miss the good talks with him. *sigh*

As I logged in later, I first met that weirdo. He had IMd me on tuesday and offered me friendship. I wasn't even rezzed on wednesday, when he already IMd me again and wanted to see me. *sigh* I wanted some time for me alone to chill, but never can say "no". Foolish me. So I invited him to my parcel... and he was still gray but already tried to touch my dick. Gee! I said "hey, hey, hey! Slow down!" and he became all sulky like "Oh, you hate me now! Everybody hates me!" and I just "uh????"
I know, that moment I already should have said good-bye, but I'm just too nice to people. So, I tried to soothe him... and after 5 minutes he asked me, if I would be his boyfriend. - WTF?!?! - I told him, that I just broke up with my bf two days ago and not in search of another one and if I was, then definitely not with a person I just know for 5 minutes (oki, I said it friendlier). And he again "Oh, you hate me know!!!" etc. *sigh* I tried again to soothe him and smiled, to cheer him up, and got as answer "Well, glad that at least YOU are happy!" - Hey, I heard this before (for a moment I was suspicious, that it's an alt), so I told him, that he got the same behaviour as my ex-boyfriend, and I definitely don't need THAT stress anymore. So he asked me if he could become the boyfriend of my ex. Oh my! How weird is that!?! Then he had to go and I was somehow glad.

I went do MenDance - Gregsters Club and danced for an hour there. But Greg had to go to Bangers and asked me to follow. "Pretty in pink" was the theme. So I colored my stripes pink, even my hair pink, some pink shorts and a pink orb... And looked somehow gorgeous.... but then Spanki arrived and my heart started beatin' techno and didn't stop the next two hours. However, I tried to be all party-tiger outside. And won the pink-contest. Was cool, but I tipped the dancers and DJ Greg more then I earned as prize. But it's okay to leave even.

Sooooooo, weirdo was there also. And he asked me, if I would help him find a better neko-tail. So, although I still wanted some time for myself, I said ok. And tried for an hour to find the place where mine is to buy. He got more and more impatient in IMs. Then he wanted ME to buy the tail for him. Why the heck should I spent money for someone I don't even know much? Gee! I'm working hard for my money... However, then he got sulky again, cause he didn't recognize that there was a contest at bangers! That's a little strange, cause Greg said it between every song he played. *lol* And weirdo was so sure HE would have won, if he only would have known it. And he seemed to want the prize-money of me. Isn't that crazy??? It's not my fault, if he doesn't recognize it. And it's always a question of popularity, not really of your outfit. And even IF it was a question of your outfit: He looked ridiculous boring (he showed me the outfit he would have worn, if he had knew of the contest) compared to me.
So, finally I left him. And he took me of his friendslist (thank god!) and that's it. I was just angry about myself, that I wasted some hours on such a crazy guy. Why do I always attract such weirdos? Hm, maybe because others just tell them "Fuck off!", but I can't?

Soooo, I had some time before working at Dominecks. But they needed Premier dancers, so I tried to organize that. Means: Still no time for me and myself. :-( So, I danced with Tim that shift, which wasn't too good for my mood either, but we were oki. And tips were pretty good; not many, but much at once. And... yes, I won the contest. Sowwwwwwyy! But theme was "Best in neko", so who you think would fit better for that then tiga? (Although Jojo looked pretty good as neko...)

But my mood didn't get better, as in IMs Greg asked me to become their slaveboi. I was a little confused because the same time, Zak told me in another IM, that Greg offered him the same and it took a while to recognize, that they were kidding and fooling around. - But I couldn't laugh about it, as especially the collar-issue caused so much trouble between Spanki and me again and again.

And then I went to Big Daddies with Stev and Quag. Got a warm welcome, what felt good (although I didn't know most of the guys pretty good). But Imur, that guy I offered a freebie (after Germany lost the final soccer-game. You remember?), started to call me "cheap". Again and again. And it wasn't funny. I got pretty upset. Must have been the mood. Under other circumstances I would have known how to handle it - especially after he's just a plastic-guy with a big mouth (but calling ME cheap?!?) - but that moment I got upset and felt inferior and wanted to give up escorting and dancing and partying and flirting at all! Why does everybody think, I'm so easy to get??? Even Spanki thought, I had sex with every single dancer at Premier. Well, prolly with everyone I'm spending time with? Is that, what others think of me? Do they really mix up flirting on the dance-floor with easy to get and cheap?

So, I was pretty down. Stev and Quag tried to cheer me up. We went shopping for a while, but it didn't help. And so I asked Quag to bring me to bed. Just to bed. Holding me, when I fall asleep. I needed that. And I felt sick. I dunno, if it was just fatigue or deep depression.

However... I'm tempted to not log-in today. But I promised to work at Spiritz and later at Domineck's. And I think, next week, I'll take some time-out from work. I want to delete the frathouse; building a nice mediterrean house for my family and me. Giving up the frat-group. Will be a lot of work... *sigh*




4 comments:

Jordyn Carnell said...

I flirt a little.. and people think I'm doing half of SL.. they just aren't sure which half.

Sometimes I think for fun I should try to seduce all of SL.. but I got a real life to attend to too.

spanki-moulliez said...

((hug))
Watever has gone between us, I don't like to see you sad. Don't feel sad, Tiger. Forget other people's opinions, becuz you know you wud tell me the same. All that matters is wat you know is true to you about you inside yourself, the rest is just noise and not important. I can understand how you felt from that guy making you feel 'cheap,' I had it done to me too that time in Cellar. But lots of people love you for you, your friends, they are who count, and Mr Plastic avi is probably just jealous. People go like that when they are envious, they try to make you feel down on yourself to make themselves feel better. I think we BOTH just need to grow a thicker skin. (In your case a stripy one, lol.) Also, I have some things to tell you about that weird guy, he IMd me too and really stirred me up, and not in a good way. It's lucky I had Niki to tell me in the end to 'sitdown and shuddup' hehe. I hope, although we cudn't make it as bf's, that we can be friends, and perhaps that will be the happier story for us. Watever else, I care for you and your feelings. Anyway, hope to see you inworld.
(( more hugs ))
Spanks

Franziskus said...

@JC: They do? Strange. I always thought, everybody thinks you're hard to get...

@Spanki: Thank you for the hugs, the song and your words. And could you please, please, please befriend me again???

Jordyn Carnell said...

actually.. honestly.. I've kinda given up on what most people think my love life is like.. I've been told a few times that my rep was a slut.. but that was a long time ago so things must have changed.. I guess being considered "hard to get" is an improvement..

Mostly I focus on my "care about" life in SL..