Tuesday, July 15, 2008

That thing called love

*sigh* It happened again. And I'm afraid this time it's forever. Or not? I dunno. Made listen to songs that tell me that it was just a "so so love" and to "say good-bye"... that sounds final.

I'm tired. Had some very good moments with my prince this week. Thought we can make it. We had relaxed chats, where we could talk about everything. But the closer we came, the more difficult it became again.

So, my big fault is: I like people. And people like me. It's selfish of me, being a little popular. Hm. Ok. How selfish and bad I am, you can read there.

Last night I recognized, that I don't want it anymore. I don't want to watch every word I say, every step or move I take. Just not to "hurt him". I wanted to share my experiences with the one who was supposed to be my partner. But couldn't without making him angry and hurt and disappointed again. He didn't even listen to what I said.

So I said, it doesn't work between us. Yes, that was selfish. I'm sad, but I don't regret it. I guess, tiger isn't just made to be the poperty of one alone. So... good-bye to everyone who can't accept that.

I don't know, whom I belong to
I'm too good for one alone
Cause if I swear fidelity to you now
Another one will be unhappy

Should something that beautiful only please one?
The sun, the stars - they belong to everyone
I don't know, whom I belong to
I think I belong to only myself

Well, maybe that sounds a little bigheaded? I don't mean it that way. But it expresses what I'm here for: Be there for others, please others, but don't loose myself in it.
I was searching for someone who takes care of me. Yes, I do have friends and family who do that. And there are nice people around me. And love. But it's always kind of "work". Working on it. Not one-sided. And I have a bad concious, if I have to neglect the one or the other, because my day only has 24 hours and I'm pretty busy with the jobs.
So, yes... I was considering - only considering! - to take the offer of someone, who promised to take care of me. Care for me without any consideration. And yes, that is selfish. But it seems I'm not grudged this. It hurts him. Oh well... Bad and selfish person I am!

1 comment:

Jordyn Carnell said...

In SL I too am mine alone.. I only share with others who I am.. they cannot possess me.

I have learned that to give myself to one, isn't who I am in SL. It is who I am in RL. The best I can do in SL is share myself to one at a time.

Many mistake who I am. I do not "put notches in my belt" and seek to conquer others. I allow others behind my defenses. And give them the opportunity to meet me and become my friend. Being a friend is the highest honor I can think of.

It is always a little sad when friends must part ways. Remember the good times.