Monday, July 21, 2008


Ah, should have been a lazy, relaxed sunday, but somehow I was caught in IMs and tried to shop (and yes, I showed a friend Sine-dances and couldn't resist - 6 new ones...*sigh*) aside and organize Dom's (so we've been 4 dancers at last)... so I was pretty busy.

The last hour I spent meditating with JC in a Buddhistic temple. - Well, of course there could be other things then meditating to do with that schmexie cowboy, but I enjoyed it very much, although I was pretty tired, talked a lot of nonsense and deleted it again.
He asked me, what I really want. Gee! How often did I hear that question in the last weeks? How often did I ask this question myself? But this time I didn't say "dunno!", this time I said: "A family!". And yes, I guess that's true. I want a family with lots of brothers (maybe some sisters) and some fathers, taking care of their sons. Everybody loves each other the same way. No one demands more attention then the other one. No one gets jealous. Each knowing he can rely on each other. And of course a lot of incestual interaction. - But that's an impossible dream, even for SL, I think.

On the other side, I'm still sorrow for the one I love. He says, he's still sore, but he's going his way, and that's good, I guess. At least we're talking again. Not much. Not as much as I'd want to. But I'm patient. Giving him time. After all it was me who broke up, so I can't expect, that he'd trust me as friend (if he ever did at all).

And still the question: What to do with the frathouse? I didn't spend much time there in the last weeks. I still dream of my Toscanian villa, but can't decide to delete what I've build in weeks/months of hard work. But I don't have time to play the hazing-game, so I guess it's time to say good-bye to that dream.

Well, mood is: "Dunno". *hehe* Guess, that's my main state-of-mind beside manic-depressive and schizo. *LOL*

1 comment:

Jordyn Carnell said...

it's never nonsense talking about life, love, and sex..

Once again.. I'm beginning to think I should adopt all my boys (and girls) rather than just take them for a couple hours at a time.. will have to check on my families adoption procedures..